That awaited, eternal moment

Things cease to matter, when you’re nearby,
With your presence around I forget I needed to cry,
The moon is still and round, the fog clings on,
But I am at peace, I’m not deceived by this con,
All I need is your hand, you do the rest,
Only pull me harder, stray should I lest,
Oh beloved, don’t ever let go,
Don’t leave me in the dungeons full of woe,
To walk through these tunnels of fire,
Your love, your hand is all I require,
I feel at peace, there’s no worry,
No need for people, for food, for money,
When my faith rises sky high,
I feel the winds lifting me to fly,
I know you’re there, waiting for me,
You’ve given me the eternal key,
Oh please don’t let me deviate,
Grant me the highest, greatest fate,
To stand beside you that day,
And right there to forever stay,
I wait for that precious, awaited moment,
That final, utterly complete component.

Scared Symphony

I’ve been feeling strangely low these past few days, and although it’s okay now, I had to write out something that explained so much. I suppose not all people will relate to it, considering not everyone has their low Iman moments, but sadly I do 😦  I know God is there, but, well, I suppose sometimes it takes more time to convince one’s self.

The chords of my heart sing,
Sing so loud, glass shatters,
The doors crack.
God, I’m scared of the future,
I’m scared of where I’ll go,
I don’t know what to do with
Myself.
Is this sanity?
Or a reason for acknowledgement,
To think of how, how, how,
Powerless,
Unable,
Weak,
We’re made,
God, I’m still scared.
Although I know You’re there,
I know You’ll help me,
I know You will,
But yet the chords sing,
With a melody of eternal misery,
Of how much I’ve had to let go,
And how much I shall have to.
I know You’re there,
But I’m still scared,
I’ve seen too much, I know so little,
And so it is.
Oh Lord, My Lord,
I know You’re there,
But I’m still scared,
Of everything,
Is than sanity?

Grandfather folklore!

                               One of those grandfather tales around the dinner table again, he randomly kicks it off by introducing the name of a familiar buzurg, Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jilani. A name we’ve been taught about in our Urdu school books, he remains the mystic he was even after his eternal union with love.

                               “Once upon a time, Sheikh Jilani was extremely hungry and was looking for a place where he could get some decent food. He walked and walked, having nothing around his own humble person. He came upon a stream and saw an apple floating in the water, moving with the currents. He picked it up before it could get away, and devoured it with relish.

But once he had finished eating it, he realized that the apple must have belonged to an orchard. And since he had not asked the owner of the orchard before eating the apple, the apple was therefore not allowed for him to eat. Think of how careful the man was! So constantly worried about getting his halals and harams right.

                               Anyway, he walked along the stream in the direction of where the apple had come from; he walked days and days looking for the source of the fruit which caused him such agony. Finally, he stumbled upon the branches of a big apple tree, the branches of which were bowed down over the clear stream. Resolving that to be the beginning of the apple’s adventure downstream, he walked across it to find himself indeed in an apple orchard.
After he had hunted down the owner, he ashamedly set forth to do what he had come for.
‘I must ask for punishment from you. To account for a sin I have committed’, he said.

                             ‘Why?’ The owner was confused and surprised.

                             ‘I ate an apple from your orchard without asking you, and now I must be punished for this wretched act of mine bears heavily on my heart.’

                             The owner thought for a minute, then said:

                             ‘Okay, you must take care of my orchard for a year. That is the punishment due from you.’

                             So Sheikh Jilani looked after the orchard for a year, maintaining the gardens and trees, watering them, taking out weeds and wild flowers and making sure they remained in as perfect a condition as his capacity to do so.

                             After a year, he went to owner and told him his year of punishment was up. But the owner, although very happy with his work, had something else up his sleeve.

                            ‘You must marry my daughter as the last act for your forgiveness. She is deaf in the ears, blind from the eyes and handicapped legs.’

                              The Sheikh was surprised at this, but seeing this was his way for forgiveness, he consented to the proposal.

                              After the marriage, the Sheikh went to see the woman he had married. He expected a handicapped woman, but almost jumped when he saw a beautiful young woman, who had not a single problem the owner had mentioned. The Sheikh then went to his new father-in-law, and told him his situation with a worried face.

                              ‘Do not worry’, the owner said, ‘I shall tell you what I meant by what I said : she is deaf because she has heard no non-mahram’s voice, is blind because has seen no non-mahram’s face, and is handicapped from the legs as her legs have never walked towards a non-mahram. She is purely for you now, go for that woman is my daughter.’

                               The Sheikh’s journey took him from a state of heart where all he could feel was guilt, to a state of matrimony. And that too a pious one.”


Cover do I still


I don’t cover,
To hide my hair,
I don’t cover,
To never let it show,
I don’t cover,
For a statement,
I don’t cover,
To be labelled,
I don’t cover,
Because it makes sense,
I don’t cover,
To be judged outwardly,
I don’t cover,
To make their thoughts turn,
I don’t cover,
To become saintly,
I don’t cover,
For people,
I don’t cover for that,
But cover do I still,
I cover,
Because that’s my identity,
I cover,
Because I don’t fear,
I cover,
Because God’s love is difficult,
I cover,
Because the path is rough,
I cover,
Because He says so,
I cover,
Because He wants me to,
I cover,
Not to show my piety,
I cover,
To please the One,
I cover,
Because His love is true,
I cover,
Because He rewards,
I cover,
Because He does too.