What is wrong with this place?

Honestly. What is wrong? I’ll tell you. Everything seems to be wrong. It’s like you don’t know anyone. One minute you’ll be thinking of that nice evening spent with that person, and the next you find out something so horrible, something so unbelievably terrible that you stop breathing with the utter shock.

As I grow older, I don’t wish to be a child again. Not that way, no, I’m not one of those who wished they would stay in that blissful, ignorant era. I’m sort of glad I know now, I know that I can’t trust anyone but a handful of people. Not everyone can be trusted to be who they are with me, to be who they are actually! As a kid, I thought there were good people mostly. But was I deceived! I observe more as every day begins and ends, I see all the injustices and all the crimes the most normal of people seem to commit.

Now, every time I meet someone, I’m filled with this doubt. This edge that whispers to me, I wonder what their sinister side is like. Because every one has one. Even I do, because that’s how we’re made. We’re supposed to battle that side. But I see the hypocrisy, how you’re expected to be good, but the other side can kick you for the slightest reason if they feel like it. I don’t trust anyone anymore!

And the worst part is, I feel sort of scared. Not scared as in horror movie shivers, scared because of how we’ve fallen. What is the point of all our education if we haven’t learned yet to civilize our habits? And why must we lead such double lives? Are there people left who are honest with you?

Dash it all, I want to go live in the mountains. Take my precious ones and just go! Where there isn’t any of this mental sickness that reigns here. This is a cruel place, and it threatens to devour us whole.

On a more positive note though, Eid Mubarak! And remember to pray for our Muslim brothers and sisters who have no home to celebrate their Eid in, who have lost their loved ones and are fighting a battle we can only pray comes to an end.

Scared Symphony

I’ve been feeling strangely low these past few days, and although it’s okay now, I had to write out something that explained so much. I suppose not all people will relate to it, considering not everyone has their low Iman moments, but sadly I do 😦  I know God is there, but, well, I suppose sometimes it takes more time to convince one’s self.

The chords of my heart sing,
Sing so loud, glass shatters,
The doors crack.
God, I’m scared of the future,
I’m scared of where I’ll go,
I don’t know what to do with
Myself.
Is this sanity?
Or a reason for acknowledgement,
To think of how, how, how,
Powerless,
Unable,
Weak,
We’re made,
God, I’m still scared.
Although I know You’re there,
I know You’ll help me,
I know You will,
But yet the chords sing,
With a melody of eternal misery,
Of how much I’ve had to let go,
And how much I shall have to.
I know You’re there,
But I’m still scared,
I’ve seen too much, I know so little,
And so it is.
Oh Lord, My Lord,
I know You’re there,
But I’m still scared,
Of everything,
Is than sanity?

The Solace in Sinisterdom


I have this whirlwind ever growing inside me,
It keeps threatening to break outside,
Strong and clever, yet can be put out,
This tornado keeps me awake,
I need an escape, I need it gone,
I need to show it weaker, but it grows everyday,
This unbearable feeling,
A casualty waiting to attack,
And as I sense some relief,
It pulls me back,
This sinister whirlwind tries to keep misery evergreen,
The only solace I have is that I can be stronger,
But what solace if not felt?
I need to put my foot down.