Here I go again!

I know I haven’t written anything for ages but I shall inshaAllah! Soon.

Today’s post, though, isn’t my creative side. It’s the side that longs to speak and not be frustrated. It’s the side that looks for peace day in and day out and yearns for spiritual fulfillment.

It’s been one of those days where I go, it’s so hard being a striving Muslim! I know, it was never told that being a Muslim is easy, but it gets so hard at times! When you struggle through little things, things that matter to you but aren’t a big deal where society is concerned.

From something like getting your eyebrows done (I mean how mostly women change the entire shapes!) to music, from talking of showbiz all the time to minor backbiting, from lowering your gaze to avoiding mixed gatherings where not necessary – why can people not understand?! People who have been born into Muslim households! It seems like everything is now interesting and acceptable.

One of my friends told me she had studied with someone who knew how to do a rather vulgar sort of dance, and instead of being disgusted, the others thought it was “very interesting”! I decided to keep quiet. As I do usually now, since Islam seems to have ceased being an important part of our lives anymore.

I feel a hole in my spiritual self, like I yearn for something. I need something to keep me going, to make me stronger as I need the strength to make it through each day. I want to spend more time by myself, to gather myself and come to terms with some spiritual balance.

It was a rant this post, I suppose you’re thinking, but this being the few practicing Muslim community who encourage each other and not make fun and poke at each other’s belief, this seemed the only place where folks might get what I mean.

I’m tired. Exhausted. I’ve always found the world a rather sick place, but now it’s discouraging and depressing. Being a Muslim. I know Allah is with me as long as I strive, but sometimes I want to let things away and collapse.

Striving means the Shaytaan is after me, too, right? Ya Allah! Give me strength.

Do remember this humble spirit in your prayers ukhtis and akhis. I will inshaAllah come back with lighter emotions and creative posts. I’m trying not to miss out on your things either haha!

Stay strong!

 

Unnamed

She sat trembling, not believing what she saw. What she heard. Sure the schools had been threatened loads of time, sometimes even shut down, but this had never actually happened.

The numbers increased. No. This could not be true. What savages could even devise such a thing?

No no no…

Pictures of boys. Stained. Shocked. Shivering with fright. Was the news playing with them? Could something like this really have come to pass?

But, alas, it had.

And the numbers were not going down.

She ran outside, trembling with rage and sadness – a six year old martyr. A thirteen year old saviour. And that teacher…

It could’ve been anyone’s school. It could’ve been her own.

*     *     *     *     *

She hadn’t found the courage to look at the news. It was too much. But it had been a whole year. Really? Something that inhumane had happened, and the wounds still bled fresh.

She hadn’t known them, met them, seen them. But they were like brothers. She loved them for the sake of that. And that pain was too much to be ignored.

As “Bara Dushman” played in the background, a new wave of tears overcame her, every time the tune began, her heart pounded. Those savages. Those barbarians. They deserved nothing less than to be burned. Again a tremble shook her, this time with memories which still moved her burning soul.

One day, when they’d all be older, they’d always think back to that day. To the day their lives changed forever. They’d sigh and hope it never happened again. Ever. They’d meet the eyes of the people who went through it and speak in a language unheard. A language not in need of being spoken.

She couldn’t even pray for people like that. They did the worst of the worst. It was too much, but she vowed to not forgive. And she vowed to know who did it, and to be sure of who she had to trust.

It’s been a year. Wow.

You might think I think about death a lot since I have blogged about it quite a few times. I do, sometimes I think of it with happiness, considering that death means getting to meet Allah, but when I see death, I rarely think of it like that. It’s because when something like this happens, a feeling boils in me. A feeling of hate and intense dislike.

People who don’t live in Pakistan aren’t as affected, of course, so maybe some of you might not get where my feelings stem from. But looking at this horrid business all the time, it is only natural that we should think that way.

People who are Pakistani can relate to everything I write today, considering it is the sixteenth of December tomorrow. It’s been a year. Wow. A year and I feel for all those who lost their sons, brothers. Friends, students. It’s such a sad affair and the whole idea just seems so absurd! Going into a school and shooting them down? Astaghfirullah. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.

Humanity has fallen so low it is amazing. Not even just the bombers we get who randomly go somewhere and pull the trigger, the people who send these to do such a job – where is there sense of humanity? Are they even sane?

My heart goes out to our Army Chief, General Raheel Sharif. After quite a while we’ve been blessed with someone sincere. Someone who works so hard we already feel a positive difference alhamdullilah. May he be blessed and given the strength to keep going!

I wish it would just STOP. Why is it that every where you turn, you see something horrible? Why? It breaks me, but I know I have to keep going. For the sake of everyone who has been killed, sacrificed, tortured, thrown out. I have to strive for our cause, however far fetched the idea might seem, I must not let them break me so soon. It doesn’t mean I’m unfeeling, oh I feel, it just means I have to direct my feelings in a positive direction.

And I’d lastly say, remember our young, daring shaheeds (martyrs). Pray for their families and for the entire ummah. May we find Allah as we are supposed to.

Salaams.

 

 

So we’re running through a maze, are we?

I’ve been reading “The Maze Runner” series the past few days, yes yes I’m the kind of person who likes this kind of stuff – hunger games, divergent, the maze runner. They’re all similar, they have more or less the same thing behind them. And as I vacuumed my room the other day, I thought of that thing. And of how ironic our media is.

The stories center around sending the youth into these controlled environments, testing them, controlling them, driving them for a purpose. There is always the bad side and the good side, no greys in between. And there is a centre, the place that controls the youth. In the Hunger Games, they’re sent to this arena to fight each other off, and they can’t not do it because they have no choice. The realization makes them stand up for themselves, and they battle the centre of control.

In Divergent, they have to fight because they’re different. Because they aren’t according to how a certain people define acceptance. Those certain people have the need to control.

In The Maze Runner, we see them controlled again. They’re sent to a maze for a purpose, and they keep trying to solve what’s thrown at them.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, our movies are such amazing representatives of what actually happens with us. We are in a sort of maze, where we have to solve everything that is thrown our way. We have to stand up for ourselves, because we are different and not according to how some people define acceptance. We do have the class that desperately looks for newer ways to keep us in control (and they’re clever at it too).

And, purpose. We as humans are obsessed with always having a purpose. Being Muslims, we know what our purpose is. But aside from that, people look for a purpose all their lives. They aren’t satisfied until they do. Some will take on smaller things, like getting a complicated job done, but eventually, they need a bigger purpose to keep them going.

I first had the thought when I saw The Matrix, where Keanu Reeves is told how everything is controlled. We do live in a controlled place, where everything we do is monitored. Like in Fast and Furious 7, there’s the software called God’s Eye.

I find it so amazing. I know I sound strange, but does anyone else think that way?

 

 

Quotes Challenge!

Salaam everyone! This challenge has been long due. I was nominated ages ago, but now that I’ve been nominated again recently, I suppose I should get this done. I was nominated by a rather interesting blogger, Maestro who has a pretty set of Urdu poetry if you’re into Urdu literature like me.

Since I possibly cannot post three quotes in successive three days, I’m going to post a few here and then nominate a few bloggers all in one post (The idea isn’t mine hehe but I thought it easier)

Here’s my quotes for the challenge :

A beautiful saying from the Quran,

I love the following hadith, never fail to bring out the emotion,

 

 

I think you know how much I love Rumi,

And Jane Austen is an old favourite!

I’m sorry to all of you can’t read the following, but Iqbal is an inspiration!

 

I’ve been the nerdy one in my class throughout so I like this haha,

Movie reference, but a good quote,

And who doesn’t like Einstein,

 

Now for the bloggers I nominate:

Aaliyah

Loubnanya

sulphurman

Awoken by poetry

The Indian Reverted Muslimah

Bilal Sidiki

Yusra

Impeccable’mua

Nalaik Panda

Shoaib

Phew done!