I know I haven’t written anything for ages but I shall inshaAllah! Soon.
Today’s post, though, isn’t my creative side. It’s the side that longs to speak and not be frustrated. It’s the side that looks for peace day in and day out and yearns for spiritual fulfillment.
It’s been one of those days where I go, it’s so hard being a striving Muslim! I know, it was never told that being a Muslim is easy, but it gets so hard at times! When you struggle through little things, things that matter to you but aren’t a big deal where society is concerned.
From something like getting your eyebrows done (I mean how mostly women change the entire shapes!) to music, from talking of showbiz all the time to minor backbiting, from lowering your gaze to avoiding mixed gatherings where not necessary – why can people not understand?! People who have been born into Muslim households! It seems like everything is now interesting and acceptable.
One of my friends told me she had studied with someone who knew how to do a rather vulgar sort of dance, and instead of being disgusted, the others thought it was “very interesting”! I decided to keep quiet. As I do usually now, since Islam seems to have ceased being an important part of our lives anymore.
I feel a hole in my spiritual self, like I yearn for something. I need something to keep me going, to make me stronger as I need the strength to make it through each day. I want to spend more time by myself, to gather myself and come to terms with some spiritual balance.
It was a rant this post, I suppose you’re thinking, but this being the few practicing Muslim community who encourage each other and not make fun and poke at each other’s belief, this seemed the only place where folks might get what I mean.
I’m tired. Exhausted. I’ve always found the world a rather sick place, but now it’s discouraging and depressing. Being a Muslim. I know Allah is with me as long as I strive, but sometimes I want to let things away and collapse.
Striving means the Shaytaan is after me, too, right? Ya Allah! Give me strength.
Do remember this humble spirit in your prayers ukhtis and akhis. I will inshaAllah come back with lighter emotions and creative posts. I’m trying not to miss out on your things either haha!