It’s a weird world

So this is basically a rant to sort of help me out of the confused mind that reigns on me these days. I’m weak, and that’s something I don’t like about myself. I have my strong Iman moments, where everything is so easy and just possible to do. And then I have my weak moments, when I seem to think Islam is just too hard.

I can’t really blame anyone, because basically I control a lot of who I am and who I want to be. Yes, my society influences me; my friends, my family, my environment everything does. But I should still have the power to ignore, to push away the changes I don’t want to see myself being affected by.

But I still seem to be affected by them. I’m working on myself though.

The thing is, I live in a weird society. A society where cultural Islam is more important than what Islam should be. And if anyone tries to follow what is actually to be followed, that person ends up being in a very hard place. The shameful bit is, I live in an Islamic state. A state where following your Deen should be easier for you, instead, it is hard. Not hard because people say following Islam is wrong, but hard because;

  1. We have our own interpretation of what is Islamic and what is not Islamic. We have decided for ourselves what the Quraan means on what occasions, even if the entire world is following it one way.
  2. The new and secular ideas, a lot of which have been proved wrong on so many occasions, are being preferred over Islamic values, because somehow it’s “cooler”. I know, we are unbelievable at times.
  3. We as a people are inclined to adopt Western ideas and ways of living, it has actually achieved the level of being a status symbol. If you know how to speak English, you will be listened to with rapt attention, if you, on the other hand, are trying to learn Arabic, you are automatically regarded as someone beneath a specific class of society.

Let’s take my struggle these days as an example. I’m trying to start wearing the jilbab (yes I’m so bad I don’t wear it), but nobody gives me a smile about it. Only a minute fraction of society tries to encourage me for it; people my age think I’m plain mental. I tried talking to my friends about it, they didn’t really respond. One of them told me my kameez/kurta was covering me just fine. But that’s just the thing, I wanted to say to her, it doesn’t cover me fine! They’re actually worried I might turn into a dull, extremist Muslim who will turn into this black bag walking around saying nothing. But I won’t! I’ll still be the same person, the same happy, social, fun (I know I’m so humble about myself),ย slightly sarcastic,ย interested-in-everything girl!

People are morally conscious, and that’s something we have to be, too, obviously, but that seems to be enough for them. I’m quite sure there are more proper striving Muslims, but my point is, they are a very small part of my society.

Out of my friends, I am the only one who cares about this hijab business. And so I turn to my blog, through which I’ve turned into a more positive person. This is my Islamic social circle in a way, and I’m glad I have this to keep me motivated.

It’s just, I know I don’t care what anyone thinks of me and I know it doesn’t matter, it won’t matter at all when we stand in front of Allah, but there’s still this nagging feeling at the back that screams at me to forget about it. The voice that brings up what everyone else says, that it isn’t important. The heart should be clean, practical Islam isn’t that important.

I know that voice is Shaytaan, and I know that since I seem to have such opposition I must be doing something right.

It’s a weird world.

The good thing is, though, I think I finally found outย how I want my blog to look like. Yay ๐Ÿ™‚

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30 thoughts on “It’s a weird world

  1. This dunya really is a strange place. For the record I don’t think you are bad for not currently wearing the jilbab / abaya. If you are then that makes me twice as bad I suppose. I can relate to some of the struggles you mention. I went through a phase of trying to wear the abaya; it was not easy. Generally my family want me to dress modestly but fashionably too. Religion aside, fashion and I have never been friends anyway. Then there was the fact that I live abroad. People don’t say much but the vibe changes (in my experience) when you wear the abaya to work for instance. I went through the Islam is hard phase too and it depressed me to no avail. In my experience I came to realise that this was because I was trying SO HARD to do EVERYTHING. So when they boycott Coca-Cola thing happened, I got on my high horse and berated my family for buying it. At this point my mother (my biggest critic lol) turned around to me and said ‘do you pray late sometimes?’ , ‘do you YELL at your mother for buying things?’ The answer to both was yes. She said I wouldn’t bother with coke when you prayer need improvement and you yell at your mother get your priorities right . This made me realise I was too busy joining the crowds (who at the time were boycotting things) to fully realise I was slacking in more inportant things. That was when I learnt to take baby steps in everything. Not everyone will agree with “my way”. But it works for ME. The ‘islam is hard’ phase is a very dangerous one because you feel like you want to get away from the deen. Baby steps and moderation, if anything, have helped me get closer to the deen and love it. I still get criticised for wearing jeanz and not being ‘muslim enough’ … I hope you find your ease soon inshallah! I am sorry for the essay ๐Ÿ˜…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh no I loved the essay ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m glad you took the time to write down all that and making me feel loads better ๐Ÿ™‚
      Yes exactly! It’s not the talk itself but the vibes which get to you. That’s what makes it so darn hard!
      I see what you mean. Until one is really ready from the heart I suppose one can’t really do that since it is a tough job at the end of the day, no matter what anyone says. The thing is though, I’m preparing myself because I feel like I’m not doing enough, I’m never doing enough. The basics are definitely something we need to make sure are rock solid before we go any further.
      Being Muslim enough though – that was spot on ๐Ÿ˜‚ we all struggle with that I suppose, on one level or the other. The thing is to keep striving. And inshallah Allah will guide us and give us ease ๐Ÿ™‚
      I’m glad you could relate, it’s better to go through that when you know there’s others, somewhere.
      That Coke boycott lol, I still try to avoid that now. I feel bad whenever I buy it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The struggle is real, pretty real. Its hard but achievable. To a point you feel like falling and falling but by the time you stop you are already there.

    And believe me on this, your Outer appearance affects a lot inside. I know from they day i started wearing the sunnah clothing, everything changes inside. You get saved from so many sins and you don’t even realise that fact.

    If you make your outside Allah will make your inside and that is what matters. Shaytan is quite clever to keep us on mending our insides. He gets us away from the reality that Outer side and Inner side goes hand in hand. The first and easy step is outer side. This is a fight now, once you win – you will be on your way to awesomeness.

    Because everytime you’ll be walking in that, you know that ‘Allah’ loves you and Nothing else matters ๐Ÿ™‚ (enough said)

    May Allah make it super easy for you to follow deen. and believe me Nothing changes with respect to what people think. They’ll talk about it a day or two or maybe a week, but then they’ll get over it. Some Aunties however will complain because they are made to complain, just avoid them :p

    Happy breathing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • “On your way to awesomeness” haha that was good.
      I know it matters. I know i should make it matter more to me too. Slowly but surely I’m getting there.
      Thanks for the essay haha it actually helped ๐Ÿ™‚
      And aunties are unavoidable. They always need to pitch in some thing or the other. I’ve learned to ignore them ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • that’s great that you have learned to avoid them – they deserve that ๐Ÿ˜›

        I hope it did help too ๐Ÿ™‚
        And yes it takes time but you’ll surely get there and be awesome at it too.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Outside influences mean a lot, no? To be honest what helps me a lot when it comes to my religion and to the influences I have and to the support I may or may not have is that even the society I live in has so many sections and groups and individuals that I do not yet know. And some or maybe just one of these sections or groups or individuals may help me with my journey as a Muslim, may support me and encourage me to go for it! And although it’s extremely difficult to find these communities just keep in mind that they are out there, in “your” world too.
    Tip with the jilbab to people who are sceptic and say kurta is fine – if you really want to wear it then carry it with swag. Show some confidence. Walk around like a freakin’ Queen when you wear it, ignore the odd looks and the odd words and shake your head at them because of how ridiculous they’re being. Tell them confidently that this is what you want to wear, why can’t you wear it? And then just continue being awesome. Girl, with hijab (and practising parts of Islam your culture is not used to practising) you’ve got to own it, you’ve got to make this faith yours. No one else is going to do it for you…and inshaAllah when you find those Islamic supportive communities they’ll see you for the strong woman that you are, right?
    And besides, you have this community, if nothing else. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    • Aww that has to be the best thing I’ve heard for a LONG time ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks so much sister!
      Yes I believe that there is THAT community, and inshallah that thought shall keep this cool jilbaby going ๐Ÿ˜€
      Your words made so much sense and made so much a lot clearer ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Assalamu alaikum sister. Sometime we listen and believe our society so much that we just neglect the teaching of Quran. We fear so much about our society that we every time start improving our image as per the people around us. This is what I feel now. I too had started wearing hijab quite late (which I really regret) because I used to believe people who were emphasizing on fashionable clothing, who used to say itโ€™s very difficult to get a job if you are not well dressed (which simply means exclude hijab or modest clothing), I believed on my inner saying that I canโ€™t tolerate heat so better to avoid hijab, because I believed people will make fun of me, because I believed my salwar kaweez a dupatta on my head is enough.
    But Allahumdulilah Allah showed me right path and encouraged me to fight all these odd questions. And nothing what others or my inner feeling used to tell me happened. Believe me it just takes 1 day to fight all these questions and people around you. Once you accept Allahโ€™s command you become winner for whole your life and offcourse day after life.
    Just tell yourself that your friends your relative will just comment one day on you or 1 week. Then they will get use to and automatically will shut their mouth. And in market half of the people you may not come across again then how come they matter to you whereas you come across your almighty daily. One beautiful line I read on a blog โ€œWhen you wear hijab you are wearing ayah of Quranโ€. Wow feel this line. You will be definitely motivated. From my experience I could say I feel respected in my hijab, it gives me value everywhere, itโ€™s a answer to negative minded people that โ€œYes a hijabi can do a high profile job as wellโ€.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Salaam ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚
      I visited your blog and I see how we are similar this way, and indeed I love how there is some place where people who understand can talk to each other and see how there are others out there.
      Thanks for stopping by ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Firstly, your blog looks amazing with the starry night back ground and your post is just uuuuuuuhhhh amazing.
    ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ูู… ุจุงุฑูƒ
    I’m so impressed ู…ุง ุดุงุก ุงู„ู„ู‡
    Keep striving to follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah and Allah will give you Jannat-Ul Firdaus.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It is a weird world. A fact being stated as simply a fact.
    I think that the Islam-is-just- too-hard moments are one of the moments when Allah SWT tests you in different ways.

    It is so true that we are very much influenced by so many little things in our life. I think I do understand what you feel about living in a Islamic area but not being able to practice Islam comfortably. ๏Œ

    First things first do not feel bad about it! You deserve to feel good about it because you were given a chance to think about a good thing!
    I can more or less relate to you. A couple of months ago I had make a choice, I felt so pressurized, though no one was putting pressure on me. I guess it was just my conscious, perhaps. I had this really hard internal debate, but with my friends and familyโ€™s support I did what I felt was right and Alhamdulillah did NOT regret it!
    To wear or not to wear the question still remains, right? ๐Ÿ˜› Well one thing is for sure you WILL be the same person, just an extra piece of clothing.Every society has good and bad.
    Iโ€™ll share two small points with you.
    ONE: My mother says/said that when you plan or intend of doing something good, donโ€™t delay it. This is because if you do then Shaytaan will get an opportunity to think of a way to distract you from that good. I think that is a very clear statement, distraction always ruins concentration!
    TWO:My friend said to me that people will always judge, pass comments and criticize.
    I was pretty much satisfied with MY decision and the only thing stopping or messing with my tiny head was what will PEOPLE think?! I asked her a lot of times about what will people think.
    She said to me that a lot of people donโ€™t get to do things that would please them just because they think what will PEOPLE think and they leave the world without getting a chance to do what could have/would have pleased them. This really touched me I know it might sound a bit clichรฉ but honestly the way she said itโ€ฆit was super clear and gave me a push for what I wanted to do. Alhamdulillah!

    The main thing is that you wish to do something that pleases you. It pleases you because it please Allah SWT, The Almighty, The Most Merciful! When you please Him you also feel happy, right? Thatโ€™s how it goes!

    At the end of the day it is really your decision, but one thing for sure you should have a clear mind about what and why you want to do this. I feel you already do? You should tell your friends what you think and then if they arenโ€™t satisfied with your thoughts then there is nothing you can do but pray for them.
    Keep in mind that if you wear the Jilbab in a society in which there arenโ€™t many people who wear it then it means you are special.Allah chose you for this. โค
    Feel good about yourself! ๐Ÿ˜€

    I hope you don't mind me posting an essay? ๐Ÿ˜›
    May Allah SWT make it easy for you and help us all follow the right path. Ameen!

    Assalamualikum!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to comment those wise words and sharing that advice with me. You have truly made me feel happy and grateful.
      Yes that is what I have come to: that I need to know I’m doing it for myself, for my relation with Allah. And that has made me clearer about my decision.
      I am glad someone came by who related because I know there’s others out there ๐Ÿ™‚
      Jazakallah may Allah reward you ๐Ÿ™‚
      Special haha! Well, maybe ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Liebster Award | Seeking Sincerity

  8. I can so relate to this!
    First of all, yes your theme is amazing, specially the background. I feel good on your blog, i feel like it’s time to look at this beautiful night sky and meditate! Haha
    Then, I was far away from thinking that it would be so hard to be practising islam in such a islamic country like Pakistan! i’m sad to learn that but now it is sadly the same situation everywhere with the globalization… Western society wants to destruct islam!
    I won’t make a speech about what it feels to wear hijab since you already had a lot of supportive and wonderful comments alhamdoulillah. I also felt better reading them!
    Nowadays, there is nowhere on earth where it is easy to wear hijab and to follow islam but alhamdoulillah we have each other. Everytime I feel depressed because of the haters around (I live in Paris, France), i talk with my hijabi sisters and immediately feel better since we all have the same concerns. Regarding the jilbab, it is so difficlut to wear, I understand you, i wear it now alhamdoulillah but always with a cardigan or jacket because I really can’t stand people staring at me if I wear only a long cape.
    May Allah help us sister!
    The important thing is that you wear something you feel good in. But don’t forget you are a wonderful person, with a deep poetic spirit, don’t let anyone makes you feel inferior!
    It is time to go out from our victim state (hijabi girls), we are as BEAUTIFUL as other women!
    Love you for Allah โค๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww thanks for your kind words ๐Ÿ™‚ I love the night sky myself haha!
      Yes unfortunately it is very difficult to practise Islam everywhere now, but then we were told that in it’s last stages Islam would become a stranger. Insha Allah it will not be a stranger for us!
      I was going through something and I felt down but like you said, all those other comments felt so good! I felt like I could connect to people and I was happy knowing I could. I am happy with my hijab alhamdulillah and I hope Allah gives me the strength to continue it! And this blogging world has actually made me stronger, to know there are others out there ๐Ÿ˜
      You are too sweet. I don’t deserve to be called as nice as you do, but thanks anyway! And yes, we are strong and we are glad to be who we are!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Haha subhan’Allah I just wrote the strangers hadith on my last comment on another of your post ๐Ÿ˜‰ May Allah always guide us on His path.
    I’m glad to know that you feel good and strong with your hijab. Of course, we all have those weak moments when we feel hijab prevents us from doing things such as being fashion, being feminine but then we learn that it is only in our head. If we want to feel beautiful with hijab, only us can decide it insha’Allah. I, myself, sometimes feel I am inferior to other women wearing elegant clothes but then I change my attitude and I tell myself “if you think you are elegant, then you are, if you feel you are a strong woman, then you are, if you feel you are amazing, then you are” haha And what make us doubt more is that some non-hijabi women look down on us like we are victims so it’s up to us to keep our head up and to show them that our faith in Allah makes us shine a thousand times than their makeup ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Could you correct my last comment sis? Look down “upon” us ; a thousand time “more” than their makeup. I should read my comment before publishing ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha it’s okay! I didn’t even notice that until you pointed it out.
      I’ll tell you something. People who speak English write it way worse at times than people who don’t! So it’s okay to make mistakes, everyone makes them! And you’re pretty good considering it’s not even your language ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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